As you pray, you are asking for a godly partner. You are looking for a companion who has a deep love for Jesus and who will accompany you through the highs and lows of life. However, how does that actually manifest itself on a day-to-day basis? In addition to clicking the “Christian” box on a dating profile, what are some other ways to identify a person whose character has been molded by Christ?

While a godly spouse is not a perfect person, they are a person who is subject to the work of the Holy Spirit. This means that they are actively submitting their lives to the work that the Holy Spirit is doing. It is important to search for these unambiguous indicators of a heart that is seeking God first, even if no one will fully reflect all of these characteristics.

• A strong Christian testimony, maturing godly character, receptivity to godly advice, and a shared calling are the four pillars upon which a marriage should rest.
• One who turns from their sins and gets love and forgiveness from Jesus Christ is an unmistakable witness for Christ. Being trustworthy and able to discern when there is a difference between one’s professed and one’s lived theology is a hallmark of a maturing godly character.
• Another important attribute is a heart that is willing to listen to Godly advice. Believe in one’s feelings and listen to the advice of loved ones when in love. A common call, instead of having various choices, is to follow the Lord with conviction and purpose.
• You need to choose a new aisle to shop in if your spouse is more focused on serving themselves than the Lord. A gospel-centered marriage can be rich and satisfying for both partners if they prioritize these traits.
• You must have a giving spirit, completeness in Christ, and developing chemistry with your future spouse before you tie the knot. It is essential to seek counseling to address unresolved past difficulties before getting into a committed relationship, and a compassionate heart develops in someone who has been transformed by God’s love. Discover the knowledge of prospective partners who are going through a tough time and reach out to a reliable biblical counselor for assistance.
• Being whole in Christ enables you to love more than you need, give more than you take, and bless more than you receive in a relationship. You should seek out a Christian who encourages you to follow the Lord and who is already deeply in love with Christ.
• Focusing on Christlikeness rather than outward appearances is a great way to increase chemistry with a prospective spouse. To avoid purity problems caused by an unhealthy fixation on physical appeal, it is crucial to possess the other six traits and keep this one in context.

How to Spot a Godly Spouse in a Modern World

1. Look For Someone Who Pursues Christ Without You

This is the foundation. A person’s relationship with God must be independent of their relationship with you.

• 🗓️ They have a personal devotional life. They don’t just talk about faith; they practice it through prayer, Bible reading, and solitude.
• ⛪ They are committed to a local church. They serve, give, and participate in community because they see it as a non-negotiable part of their walk with God, not a social club.
• 🙏 Their faith is relational, not just religious. They speak about Jesus as someone they know and love, not just as a historical figure or a set of rules.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

— Matthew 6:33

2. Look For the Fruit, Not Just the Gifts

It’s easy to be impressed by spiritual gifts like teaching, singing, or leadership. But the Bible tells us to look deeper, at the character the Holy Spirit produces.

• ❤️ They exhibit the Fruit of the Spirit. Look for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23) in their interactions with family, coworkers, and even waitstaff.
• 🗣️ They are quick to repent. When they mess up, do they make excuses or do they take responsibility, apologize sincerely, and seek to change?
• 💪 They have emotional and spiritual self-control. They don’t let their emotions rule them. They manage anger, disappointment, and stress in a healthy way.

3. Look at How They Treat Others

A person can be charming and attentive to you while being dismissive or cruel to others. Character is consistent.

• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 They honor their parents. Even if their family is difficult, they treat them with respect (Exodus 20:12).
• 🤝 They have healthy, same-sex friendships. This shows they know how to build platonic relationships based on mutual respect and accountability.
• 😊 They are kind to those who can do nothing for them. Watch how they interact with a cashier, a server, or an elderly person. This reveals a heart of genuine humility and service.

4. Look For a Heart of Service and Stewardship

A godly person understands their life, time, and resources are not their own; they are gifts from God to be managed well.

• ⏰ They are responsible. They are faithful with their job, their finances, and their commitments. They follow through on their word.
• 🤲 They are generous. They give of their time, talent, and treasure joyfully, not grudgingly. They see money as a tool for God’s kingdom.
• 🧹 They have a servant’s heart. Do they offer to help without being asked? Do they look for ways to lighten others’ loads? This is a powerful indicator of Christlike humility.

5. Look For a Clear and Aligned Vision

A godly spouse isn’t just a nice person to spend time with; they are a partner in the gospel mission.

• 🎯 They have a sense of God’s purpose for their life. They may not know all the details, but they want their life to count for eternity.
• 🤝 Your life visions are compatible. Do you both want a family? Do you share similar values on how to raise children? Are you aligned on the role of church in your lives?
• They encourage your God-given calling. A godly spouse will champion your spiritual growth and the use of your gifts, seeing them as assets to your shared mission.

Be Wary of the Difference Between the “Project” and the “Partner”

Be wary of falling for the potential that someone possesses. Rather than marrying the person you think they will become as a result of your influence, you are given the responsibility to marry the person they are right now. The difference between a “partner” and a “project” is that a “partner” is someone who is already walking faithfully with God on their own in their own right.

As the ministry Focus on the Family wisely advises:

“Don’t just listen to what a person says; watch what they do. Look for a pattern of godly character over time. A true, godly character is consistent and reveals itself when no one is looking.”

Your Discernment Checklist

As you pray and observe, ask yourself:

• [ ] Do I respect their walk with God independently of me?
• [ ] Do I see the Fruit of the Spirit consistently in their life?
• [ ] Do they treat others with Christlike love and respect?
• [ ] Are they responsible and generous with what God has given them?
• [ ] Can I see us as a team, fulfilling God’s purpose together?

Finding a godly spouse is less about a frantic search and more about becoming the kind of person who attracts a godly spouse, and having the wisdom to recognize one when God brings them across your path. Keep your eyes on Jesus, and trust Him to guide you to the partner He has for you.

10 Red Flags and Green Lights from Scripture

As our dependable leader and compassionate counselor, God is our God. He assures us that he will guide us through life and be with us through every season at his side. As a sign of His compassion and mercy toward us, He raises warning signs in our hearts whenever we anticipate that something in the future would bring us harm or devastation.

It is not the purpose of red flags to prevent you from having fun; rather, they are designed to keep you on the proper route for your life so that you can completely live out the destiny that God has given you! When you learn to follow God even when you don’t understand, it demands trust and obedience, but it is well worth it because it teaches you to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and to allow Him to lead, guide, and counsel you through every step of your life.

Proverbs 31:10-31New International Version

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

^10 [a]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.