Marriage is a sacred covenant that God has decreed, and it not only symbolizes a connection between two people, but it also symbolizes a fundamental commitment to satisfy each other’s needs within the context of religion. When it comes to Christians, this commitment is intended to last a lifetime, which highlights the significance of approaching the decision to get married with seriousness and meaning.
In order to guarantee that they are spiritually, emotionally, and practically prepared for the duties that come with this union, couples should engage in deliberate meditation and honest communication before to embarking on the journey of marriage. They should also ask a number of crucial questions. Examining their own religious journeys, gaining an understanding of their values and beliefs, and having a conversation about their goals for the future are all activities that are included in this preparation. It is possible to establish a solid basis for a good marriage by addressing issues such as the dynamics of the family, the security of the finances, and the support of one another.
Couples can acquire deeper insights into their compatibility and commitment to one another by taking the time to investigate these concerns and engage in meaningful conversations. This ensures that they are well-equipped to establish a life together that is founded on love and faith.
Courtship in the Christian faith is about more than just discovering love; it’s about discerning a covenant commitment for a lifetime of ministry. It is essential to ensure that you and your partner share the same beliefs, goals, and vision in order to construct a marriage that not only endures but also flourishes. Attraction and compatibility are crucial factors in this regard.
It is important that you have the courage to ask these profound and important questions before you go down the aisle. Either the answers will provide you with a tremendous sense of self-assurance or they will rescue you from experiencing a profound sense of grief.
Foundation 1: Faith & Spiritual Life
Your relationship with God is the bedrock upon which your marriage will be built.
- 🙏 How would you describe your personal, daily walk with God? (Look for specifics about prayer, Bible study, and how they experience God’s presence.)
- 📖 What is the role of the Bible in your decision-making? (This reveals their view of Scripture’s authority.)
- ✝️ How do you envision us growing together spiritually as a couple? (e.g., Will we pray together daily? Have weekly Bible study?)
- ⛪ What are your expectations for church involvement? (How often will we attend? In what ministries will we serve?)
Foundation 2: Roles & Responsibilities
Getting on the same page about God’s design for marriage prevents countless future arguments.
- 👨👩👧👦 What does “the husband is the head of the wife” (Ephesians 5:23) mean to you in practical terms? (This is crucial for understanding expectations of leadership and submission.)
- 💼 What are your expectations regarding careers, finances, and homemaking? (Will both work? What if children are involved?)
- 🤰 What is your view on having children? (If so, how many? What are your philosophies on discipline and education?)
- 👵 What are our responsibilities toward our aging parents? (This is a practical application of honoring your father and mother.)
Foundation 3: Finances & Stewardship
Money arguments are a top cause of divorce. Get aligned before you merge your lives.
- 💰 What is your current financial situation? (This requires full disclosure of debt, savings, and spending habits.)
- 🧾 Are you a spender or a saver? How will we create and stick to a budget?
- 💝 What are your views on tithing and charitable giving? (Be specific about the percentage of income.)
- 🏠 What are your long-term financial goals? (e.g., buying a home, investments, retirement.)
Foundation 4: Conflict & Communication
It’s not about if you’ll argue, but how.
- 😠 How do you typically handle anger and disagreement? (Do they shut down, yell, or seek to discuss calmly?)
- 🗣️ What does “forgiveness” look like to you in the context of marriage? (Is it a quick “I’m sorry” or a process of reconciliation?)
- ⚖️ Are you willing to seek pre-marital and, if needed, future marital counseling? (This tests their humility and commitment to the health of the marriage.)
Foundation 5: Family, Past & Future
Your backgrounds and dreams will shape your future home.
- 👨👩👧👦 What did you learn about marriage from your parents? What would you replicate or do differently?
- ❤️ What does “leaving and cleaving” (Genesis 2:24) mean for our relationship with our extended families?
- 🎯 Where do you see us in 5, 10, and 20 years? (Discuss location, career, family, and ministry goals.)
- 🏥 What are your views on health and wellness? (This includes physical, mental, and emotional health.)
Foundation 6: Intimacy & Purity
A healthy marriage requires intimacy on all levels.
- 💑 What are your expectations for physical intimacy in marriage? (Discuss needs, desires, and any concerns openly.)
- 🤫 Is there anything in your past (relationships, trauma, addiction) that could affect our future marriage, that you feel I need to know? (This question requires a safe, gracious, and confidential space.)
Methods for Carrying Out This Discussion
Aim to schedule numerous discussions rather than rushing through them. The race is not a sprint but rather a marathon.
Beginning with prayer, ask the Holy Spirit to direct your communication in a way that is both truthful and gracious.
Always remember that the objective is not to impress, but rather to discern. Weakness is your most valuable advantage in this situation.
In order to better understand your partner’s heart and background, it is important to listen more than you speak.
Why ask these Questions and Establish Open Communication?
- Intelligent questions are key to attraction in relationships.
- Singles should engage with potential partners before entering a relationship.
- It’s important to understand the person’s important aspects and be open to learning more over time.
- Intentional questions can lead to meaningful conversations and understanding.
- Courtship phase should be a time for discussions, especially if marriage is a potential goal.
- Asking thoughtful questions about love, relationship, and marriage is crucial to avoid regrets.
- Avoid making assumptions and be open in communication.
- Engaging in a relationship adds flavor and understanding to the relationship.
The objective is not interrogation but rather discernment.
By asking these questions, you are not trying to identify a flawless individual because there are no such people. Finding someone with whom you may truly seek God’s mission together is the question that has to be answered. We are all called to different missions as members of the church of Christ, and your marriage is the primary ministry team that you have for yourself.
As Focus on the Family advises:
“The purpose of these questions is not to find someone perfect, but to find a person with whom you can build a Christ-centered union. You are looking for alignment on the non-negotiables and grace to navigate everything else.”
Give these questions the opportunity to serve as a tool that assists you in constructing a marriage that represents the love of Christ to a world that is watching.
Marriage is merely a means to an end; it is not the end in and of itself.
There is a tendency to romanticize the experience of getting married, with an excessive amount of emphasis placed on the wedding itself and insufficient attention paid to the day-to-day realities of sharing our lives with another person. However, getting married is an exciting chapter in one’s life.
It is also a gift from God that marriage is, and he must continue to be the most important thing while we navigate this new road.
My hope and prayer for you is that you will keep your focus on the One who loves you more than life itself, and that you will allow him to guide and oversee your life.
Thank you.
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